Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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