the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
