Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
im drinking this country out of the recession.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
