I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
be right there i have to get my cape
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
