Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
