Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
