At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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