maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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