I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
