Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
