Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
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