I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
