he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
