Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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