I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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