He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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