I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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