yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
