Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
