Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
