he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We're using joints as your birthday candles
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize