shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
