$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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