Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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