Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Randomize
