Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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