you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
