apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
