Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
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