capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
