in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
