Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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