careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
