i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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