I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
