forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
