I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
