if you like me you must not know who I am
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
