im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I have post one night stand depression
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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