I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
