she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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