overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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