my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
