She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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