I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
