I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
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