Umm I'm too high to move.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
