Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
