Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
