im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
