He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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