Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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