I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
