it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
third nipple confirmed
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
