I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
