Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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