she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
