im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
