dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
