I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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