1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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