She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
