This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
