I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
