wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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