Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
