I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
the condom got lost in my hair
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
