got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
