I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
