Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.