guys are only as good as the porn they watch
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.