Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.