You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
