Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
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He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
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He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?