He disabled his match.com account in front of me
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
i think i just lost a toe