just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
These 25 People Believed Fake Facts For Way Too Long
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.