no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
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you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
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I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
