omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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