its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize