i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
