Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize